I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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