I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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