It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
