Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
