Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
