Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
She needs sedatives and a leash
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
