i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
