my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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