East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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