He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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