life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
