toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize