Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
