I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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