Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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