I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
