You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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