Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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