I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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