Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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