Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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