my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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