Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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