OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
