i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
