roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
