I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
im six kinds of drunk right now
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
