i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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