so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
