12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
