he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
