I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
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well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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