O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
