i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
