FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
