I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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