OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
