conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize