He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
