dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
