why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize