You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I color on your dick again?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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