she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
