Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things đđ
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He sang the chorus to âInside of youâ by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldnât even be mad, that probably took talent
If he isnât into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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