White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
how drunk are you?
Several
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
