ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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