evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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