I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
