"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
