Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
