we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
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