ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
