What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
