the new term for farting is butt boxing.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
