I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
