Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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