If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
