I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
