Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
