Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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