I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Randomize
