but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
