I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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