Old men and throwing up are my life now.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
