So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Randomize
