I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
