The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
