So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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