she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
we should paint friendship bongs
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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