i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im part way to drunk.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
