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while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
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