I'm so fucking centered right now
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
17 Guys Share When Their Parents Found Their Porn Stash
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?