i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
not ubering you a puppy