Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Randomize
