i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
