I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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