What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
