It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize