If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
