so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
